How well do you know your partner? According to the American psychologist John Gottman, knowledge is one of the most important foundations of a healthy relationship. With these eighteen questions you get to know each other better, whether you have been together for ten months or ten years.
If you love someone, you often assume that you know each other well. But it is precisely in a long relationship that you (and your partner) are constantly changing – after all, today you are slightly different from yesterday. And if you do not ‘check in’ often enough together, you can feel a distance between yourself and your loved one over time.
John Gottman advises in his book “The seven pillars of a good relationship” to build together a love map, in which you map out all the knowledge about each other. This mental love card is always changeable, and ideally becomes slightly richer after every good conversation. The more detailed this love map is, the better you are as a couple resistant to conflicts, says Gottman. Because when you ask each other the right questions, you learn to understand the other.
18 questions for more intimacy and love
- what would you do if money was irrelevent?
- What do you think is the definition of a healthy relationship?
- Do you think everything happens for a reason or do you believe in coincidence?
- What could you never forgive someone?
- Suppose you wake up without fear, what would you do first?
- Is there anything you have ever done but would never do again?
- What do you always postpone?
- What are you looking for in a love affair?
- If you could redo one year of your life, what would it be? And why?
- Which character trait do you dislike?
- Do you get energy when you spend time with others, or do you find this tiring?
- If you could send a post-it to your younger self, what would it say?
- When are you completely in the moment?
- What does a perfect day look like?
- Do you think social media strengthens our bond, or does it create distance?
- Do you allow yourself to be guided by your head or by your heart when you make an important decision?
- When did you last cry? And why?
- What setback did you end up with something really beautiful?