Would you like to enter into a new relationship but it just doesn’t seem to work? Chances are that you carry too much emotional baggage from the past. You may not have given the previous relationships a place yet. Take the test and learn how you can let go of the past.
Strong emotions from the past
Everyone carries emotional baggage. Some people have a lot of emotional baggage, others a lot less. I compare it with travelers at the airport. You see people pulling and dragging on a cart full of heavy suitcases. At the check-in it appears that their suitcase weighs too much and that they have to pay extra. Others carry a small, handy backpack with them and can go straight to the gate.
“Only by letting go of the past can you make progress.
Emotional baggage consists of all the strong emotions of the past that stop you from moving forward. Those strong emotions can be positive or negative. Strong negative feelings include hatred and anger, a strong positive feeling can be that someone was the love of your life.
Before you can open yourself up to a new relationship, you best deal with strong emotions from the past. Those emotions must first be “unpacked”, something that is not always easy. Only by leaving the past behind can you make progress. You will find out later how you do that correctly. It is certainly the case that we can let go of less important things more easily without looking back. We can hardly leave sustainable relationships and strong connections from the past behind us.
4 good reasons to let go of the past.
You block new experiences
As long as you hold on to the past, you keep comparing the present with it. You make it impossible for yourself to gain new experiences and so you cannot start a new relationship.
1-You get into a negative spiral
If you do not let go of the past, you will get into a negative spiral more easily. Negativity attracts negativity.
An example. Els is still mad at her ex-partner when she starts dating again. During the date she starts a lament about her ex and she lets all negative emotions run free. Result: the man does not hear from him again after the first date. And Els? He now assumes that all men are the same.
2-Your health suffers
Sticking to the past has an impact on your health. It gives an increased risk of stress, depression and fatigue. You feel less comfortable with yourself.
3-Your children suffer from it
If you have children, it can also have an impact on their well-being. If, as a parent, you cannot deal constructively with the past, it can reflect on the happiness, health and performance of your children.
Give yourself 1 point for every question to which you answer “yes”.
-Do you have photos, frames or other visible memories of your ex at home?
-Do you catch yourself saying that sometimes you wish you were still with your ex, even though you now see someone else?
– Do you sometimes call your ex’s voicemail just to hear his or her voice?
-Do you sometimes look on Facebook, LinkedIn or Instagram for photos and activities of your ex?
– Are you going to the favorite spots of you and your ex?
– When the name of your ex is mentioned, do you have a strong response? -That can be both a negative and a positive response.
-When you talk to your ex, do you find yourself getting angry or emotional, regardless of what he or she is saying?
-Do you sometimes cry or feel sad when you think about your previous relationship?
-Do you compare new people in your life with your ex-partner?
-Do you sometimes have doubts about whether you can entrust your secrets and life stories to a potential new partner?
What does your score mean?
8 to 10 points
Your emotional baggage is very heavy. Despite your efforts, you remain attached to the past and that has a serious effect on you and on possible new relationships. You are best looking for ways to give your past a place. This way you can start with a clean slate to give a healthy relationship a chance.
5 to 7 points
Your proverbial baggage is still too heavy. There can be no new emotions. It is important that you learn to unpack the past and reduce your load. It will help you to be ready for a new relationship.
2 to 4 points
Your emotional baggage is not that heavy, yet it is still difficult to open yourself emotionally to a new partner or relationship. Find out what the weight of the past is. That way you can let it go and live fully in the present.