He comes home with a bunch of beautiful flowers, but actually she finds that unnecessary, she just wants a little more time together. She gives him a warm hug, but actually he just wants to hear some encouraging words and get a compliment. The love for each other is big enough, but they speak another love language and that makes the relationship difficult. Do you speak the same language of love as your partner?Do you want the secrets of a lasting relationship? Do the test!
What if the butterflies disappear?
At the start of a relationship, each couple comes the moment the butterflies disappear into the abdomen. You suddenly notice the differences between the two of you and then many couples decide to separate because the fire is out. Others simply accept the situation.
But there is a third option: you can also choose to grow together in your relationship and to love the other. That requires some effort, because love is a verb. Falling in love can happen to you, love is a choice that you make.
Speak the same love language!
Apparently few couples manage to keep their relationship alive. How did that happen? And what do you do about it? Author Gary Chapman set out to investigate. He discovered that there are different love languages. For example, you and your partner may speak a different language. Although you love each other dearly, you do not notice it because you do not understand each other’s love language.
“Speaking the right language of love with each other creates a loving and healthy relationship.”
According to Chapman, there are five languages of love. All five have different dialects.
1-The language of compliments and beautiful words
These people love compliments and encouragements. Or say “sorry” if you’ve done something wrong. The tone in which you say it is also important. Of course, everyone likes beautiful words more than criticism, but compliments are especially important for people with this love language.
2-The language of time and attention to each other
Someone who speaks this language wants to be with the partner a lot. Some want to do things effectively, such as going to the cinema or playing a game, but just listening to each other’s stories may be sufficient, depending on “the dialect”. These people want to understand and share feelings, thoughts and desires of the other.
3-The language of gifts
Love is here accompanied by the effective giving of things. That does not have to be expensive gifts, it is mainly about the partner giving it to them. The partner of someone who speaks this love language should certainly not wait for an opportunity. All days of the year are good to express love with a gift.
4-The language of service
Doing things for each other, that’s love for people who speak this love language. It may not seem romantic to put the trash can outside, but for someone who speaks this language, helping in the household can be more valuable than a gift or a compliment. People who use this love language are always ready for the other. Not because he feels obligated or because he is afraid, but from a positive attitude.
5-The language of physical contact and affection
A language with many dialects of which making love, embracing and hugging are some of them. If this is your partner’s language of love, it is best to make sure that you speak the same dialect. If a certain touch is not experienced as pleasant, you achieve the opposite of love.
Which language does your partner speak?
Ask yourself how you experience the most love from your partner. Is that through physical contact? Or do you prefer a compliment? Do you like doing things together the most? Or are you in the clouds when you get a present? Maybe you think it is fantastic if your partner helps you with daily tasks?
“The language in which you want to be loved is also the language in which you give love.”
Ask those questions to your partner too. Together you can see what you miss the most or what you long for.
Chances are that the language you want to be loved with is also the language in which you give love to someone else. When you start a conversation with your partner, remember that the points that you yourself have the most criticism of include the area that you most need.
Love is a choice
If you speak a language of love other than your partner, you cannot understand each other, no matter how much you like each other. Result: you are not fed in your love language and you feel unhappy. There is a good chance that you will fall in love with someone else. Love is a choice. You don’t have to wait for the others to start working on it.
In his practice, Chapman has encouraged many couples to use the love languages. That has certainly been useful. Learning the right language of love and being able to speak ensures that a marriage becomes and remains loving and healthy.