If you are in love with someone you are hopeful for the future – and your heart is broken if it turns out that it is not going to work. Maybe the person you are in love with already has someone else, or you just know that it is impossible to start something together. Releasing and continuing is not an easy process, but you can do it! Here you can read how.
1- Accept your feelings
1-Find people who know how you feel. It is hard to see light at the end of the tunnel when you are wallowing in love, but enough other people have experienced the same thing. By finding out how they got through it you can find inspiration to continue.
- Ask a friend or family member for help.
- eople can somehow sympathize with you when it comes to love, and they may be able to tell you about their own experiences of overcoming love sorrow. Even if they have not experienced it personally, they may be able to give some good advice.
- Keep your eyes open for examples. Once you pay attention, you will see countless examples of people struggling with something. Books, films and even t.v. programs often revolve around someone struggling with an impossible crush. Pay particular attention when the main character comes over it, so that you can learn from it.
2-Admit that you are in love. Before you can overcome a problem, you have to admit that it exists. Allow yourself to say that you are in love, and experience all the complicated emotions that accompany it.
- Maybe you can write down how you feel. Take the time to express your emotional turmoil, which can help you to leave it behind. Write down the reasons why you started to feel something for this person, and why it can’t work. Write it in a diary or in a document on your computer that you protect with a password. Or write it on separate pieces of paper and burn it later.
- Express your feelings out loud. You do not have to tell others how you feel, but it can help to express your problem out loud, even if you are alone in the room. Because of this your feelings may seem more concrete and easier to approach. “
3-Tell the person you are in love with. If you are sure that the person is mature and able to understand what you are going through, look for an opportunity to talk to him / her about it. One of the most difficult things if you want to get over a crush is to let go of your hope for a relationship. If you give up just like that, you might be chased by the thought “what if”. If you just tell, there is a small chance that the person will feel the same for you, but even if you don’t, you can finally continue to accept that. You do not feel that you have missed a chance of happiness.
- Don’t be demanding or scary, don’t talk about the physical side of your feelings, because that is irrelevant to what you really want to know. Simply say how much you care about him / her and that you want to know if he / she feels the same way about you. Make it clear that you still want to remain friends (although you may have to take some distance to get over your feelings), and that you want him / her to be honest.
- It may be better for several reasons to write a letter to the person in question. It is easier to express your feelings without closing, and it also puts less pressure on the other person. Give him / her a letter in which you explain your feelings and ask if he / she wants to read it if he / she is alone. Don’t contact one day, give him / her time to think about it. Try to talk about it the next day if you can be alone for a while. If he / she avoids you, understand that he / she is probably a bit shocked or confused, so give him / her some space and try again after a while.
4- Know when you lost. Maybe the person you are in love with already has someone else, or maybe you live very far apart. Maybe the other person doesn’t know how you feel, and you don’t dare say it. Whatever the reason, accept that there is an obstacle in your path, and that you choose to walk away from it.
Do not confuse this with personal failure. The fact that you cannot be with that person has nothing to do with your self-worth. Relationships fail for thousands of reasons, and often they are problems that cannot be addressed. You can’t control some things.
- Accept the things of yourself that have led the other person to feel nothing for you. Heartbreak usually starts with denial, but try to skip that phase. Accept that you may just not match. Be open to correcting defects in yourself if you want to increase your chances next time, but make sure your mistakes are not confused with differences. Poor body care is a defect, and that is something you can do about it. If you like a different kind of music, or are a little more introverted, that is no shortage, so you shouldn’t change that for someone else. It may seem as if you would like to change everything to be with that person, but deep down you want nothing more than that he / she loves you the way you are. Even if change meant that he / she would fall in love with you, the relationship would soon end when the first crush was over.
- Don’t be embarrassingly stubborn. You may be offended by the fact that something does not work, and perseverance is a good feature in many situations. But there are cases that perseverance turns into despair and stupidity. Following one impossible love is one of those cases. Let it go.
1-Take a distance from your crush. If you can, give yourself some room to breathe away from the subject of your worship. Many people fall in love because someone is often around. If you don’t see that person that often anymore, falling in love may go away by itself.
- If you are in love with a good friend, make sure you are available less often. If you want to keep the friendship, try to do as little as possible with the other person at the moment, without hurting him or her. Or if you expect your friend to respond with sympathy, explain your problem and say you need some space.
- If you are in love with a mutual friend, try not to meet that group of friends for a while. -If it comes out that way, explain to your first friend that he or she should not take it personally.
- If you are in love with someone from school, take this opportunity to work harder on your studies, and distract yourself from falling in love. Every time you think of him or her, open a book or start learning. Take a different route to the next lesson, and sit somewhere else during the break if necessary.
- If you are in love with a colleague, focus more on your work. Avoid joint lunches or drinks for the time being.
- If you are in love with someone you cannot avoid, take a mental distance. You don’t necessarily have to think about someone who happens to be in the same room. Think about what you still have to do today, or daydream about the wonderful things you are going to do during the holidays – without the other person.
2-Get to know new people. If the person you are in love with is always present in your current group of friends, try to broaden your horizons. You can distract yourself from your grief by meeting new people, it gives you confidence and you may meet someone who suits you better. Here are some places to start:
- Find people who have the same hobby. Do you like pop music? Go to a cafe nearby and take part in a pop quiz. Are you sportive? Find a sports club nearby and become a member. The possibilities are endless!
- Go do volunteer work. Go work at a homeless shelter, or find an organization that stands for your ideals, such as animal protection or the environment. After a few meetings you probably already know some like-minded people.
- Use school or church groups. If you are already attending a school or church that offers many activities, sign up! The party committee, the choir, support groups or sports teams are just a few of the options.
3-Take care of yourself. Use this time to take a step back and think about how you can improve your own life, instead of putting all that energy into your crush. You have enough hands to distract yourself, and at the same time you improve your own situation.
- Give yourself a mini makeover (even if you are a boy!). Does your wardrobe look a bit stale? Buy a few new things for your closet that boost your confidence or invest in a new hairstyle. If you don’t know in which direction to look, ask a hip friend for help.
- Organize your life. Perhaps you haven’t fattened your cupboard / car / garage / basement for a long time, so do something about it! Picking up old junk can work meditatively, and you will probably feel relaxed and proud afterwards.
- Move. Movement clears your mind – if you are so focused on the loss of your body, you cannot afford to be concerned about breathing and exercise. Go for a run, swim, cycle or do another sport that improves your body and detoxifies your head.
- Practice positive self-talk. It sounds silly, but it really works. Look at yourself in the mirror a few times a day, and say whatever it takes to hear. It could be something like “You will find someone better” or “No one is worth all this misery.” Repeat it until you believe it.
3- Continue forever
1-Be wary of a relapse. You have to work hard to get over a crush, and if you’ve been blinded for a few months by falling in love, it can take a long time to get over it. Accept that it is a process and plan ahead so that you do not derail due to a sudden relapse. Here you can read how you can deal with it:
- Realize that you do not see this person realistic. The overwhelming feeling of falling in love that you feel when you are around the person in question can mess up your logical thinking patterns that will make you idealize him / her. Convince yourself that no matter how you feel, no one is perfect, not even he or she, and know that you deliberately look through his or her flaws.
- Treat it as an addiction to drugs. You would never send an alcoholic to a cafe, so make sure you don’t end up in situations where you might come in contact with that person. Keep away from intimate situations and avoid too much contact, even if only by text or chat.
- Do not transfer your feelings to another victim. Looking for another to project your feelings on is a form of relapse – you may not be in love with the same person, but you will feel the same emotions. Looking for someone to replace is not fair for that person, because you might not see him / her for who he / she is. In addition, it is not fair for yourself, because you allow yourself to fall back in the same pattern.
2-Be careful not to become bitter. By demonizing the person you are in love with, you may get over him / her faster in the short term, but it is not a long-term solution. This is the problem: thinking about how much you hate him / her is still a form of obsession, so you get stuck at the same point.
- Don’t make another person responsible for your happiness. The person in question did not respond to your affection as you had hoped. Maybe he or she made it worse by teasing you or flirting with you, knowing he or she felt what you were feeling. But no matter what has happened, you are the only one who can make you happy. You are responsible for removing yourself from a nasty situation and continuing, so do not say that it is someone else’s fault that you feel bad.
- Try to wish the best for him or her. If you really care about someone, you want him / her to be happy – even if that isn’t with you. Resist the urge to get angry, or compare yourself to that person’s new boyfriend / girlfriend. Try to be genuinely happy when people you care for are happy.
3-Make a list of wrong things about your love. This is quite difficult, but very effective when it is done and understood correctly. You noticed your love for all the good qualities you saw with him / her. Now you have to see it the other way around. You may initially think that your love is “so perfect”, but no, everyone has their bad sides and you should keep that in mind. It’s time to stop dreaming.
- Think carefully about your love and look for as many ugly traits as you can find. Make a list on paper and read it repeatedly. When you see him, don’t look at the good. Remember everything you’ve written down and don’t get distracted.