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How to know if you’re in love with someone.

Love can be beautiful but also very frightening. Determining for yourself exactly what you feel for someone is one of the most frightening things that come with falling in love. To find out if you love someone, it’s a good idea to take some distance and look at your relationship in an objective way. Find out how the other person influences your feelings and actions. Compare your conclusions with what you know about passion, feelings of pleasure and true love to determine what you actually feel at the moment.

1-Evaluate your emotions

1-Find out how your feelings have formed. Try to remember your first meeting. Do you still feel the same for him or her at the moment, or have your feelings gradually intensified from that moment on? What is often called “love at first sight” is in fact the blinding effect of passion, because you are dealing with a sudden attraction that is mainly physical. Love, on the other hand, grows from pure attraction to something much deeper over time. [1]

2-Build a list of pro/cons. Try to think of what you like and dislike about your loved one. If you see all your arguments on paper, it is probably easier to take stock of your feelings. [2] By briefly pressing yourself with his or her shortcomings, you can extinguish those deeply passionate feelings so that you can think more clearly about what you actually like about the other person. Make each side of the balance as long as you can. It does not matter how important or insignificant every advantage and disadvantage is. Write down everything that comes to mind, for example:

Pros: looks good, is nice, I can talk to him / her well Cons: sloppy, sometimes immature and sometimes very dependent on me

3- Now take stock of your list. Analyze your pros and cons by determining whether you have in mind the reality or an idealized image of your loved one. Circle or mark the benefits with which you have stronger feelings and the cons that do not have such a big influence on your feelings. Find out for yourself whether those reasons are important or decisive for you. If you cannot accept the person as a whole — with all his or her shortcomings — you are not in love. [3]

For example, you may be in love if you overlook his or her carelessness because you are too preoccupied with your admiration for his or her generosity, or because you enjoy your fascinating conversations. On the other hand, you may not be in love if you feel warm and floating inside as soon as you see him or her, but you cannot imagine a future together with the other.

4-Find out to what extent you sympathize with him or her. Watch if you share his or her happiness or sorrow when he or she tells you good or bad news. For example, if you get tears in your eyes when your lover tells you crying that his or her grandmother has died, then you feel his or her sorrow. That is a clear sign that you are in love. [4]

5-Find out how you feel when he or she is not there. Ask yourself if you mean it when you say, “I miss you.” Note if there are times when you cannot wait until you are alone again. If you would really like him or her to be around you all the time, then there is probably love. If you find that while you are together, you are already working hard to plan time for yourself, then it is no more than passion. [5]

6- Analyze your future plans. Try to imagine your life in five or ten years. Take into account the influence of changes in your career, children and relocations. Find out for yourself if you are willing to withstand less serious and life-threatening illnesses with this person. Think about what it would be like to look after this person — or what it would be like to be cared for by him or her — as you get older. If you can imagine a long-term future with this person, then there is probably love. [6]

7-Find out for yourself if this person has changed something in you. And it doesn’t have to be a complete change in your character. The question is rather whether you have broadened your horizon in a certain way thanks to your loved one. For example, at first you never thought that you would plant trees again at the weekend, until your new flame asked you to join a reforestation project. And since you have done that you feel connected to nature as you have never experienced it before, and you owe it all to him or her. If you feel that this person has changed you in a favorable way, then it may be love that you feel. [7]

8-Pay attention to how you feel with daily things. Check for yourself how you feel when you and your flame together do something ordinary or everyday. For example, it may be that you normally hate doing the weekly shopping, but now you are suddenly looking forward to it because he or she goes with you. That may indicate that you are in love. If, on the other hand, you are still bored to death and cannot wait until you finally do something fun, then it is probably no more than a whim. [8]

9-Find out how jealous you are when it comes to this person. Pay attention to how you feel when your flame is in conversation with possible rivals or rivales. Find out what you feel when those potential rivals flirt with your loved one. Also ask yourself if you are afraid that your flame might lose interest in you as a result of that flirting. Occasionally being jealous is in fact a healthy reaction that can make you want to get closer to someone. If you have that feeling, it can in principle be an indication that you are in love. [9]

But if you are suspicious all the time and you tend to stalk your loved one, then there is no question of love. Or at least not of healthy love. Probably in that case your passion has spread to an obsession. [10]

2-Evaluate your actions

1-Take a break. If you are somewhere where there are other people as well, then separate and join the company. Try to stay involved in the conversation as much as possible. If you find that you cannot fully stick with your thoughts and start looking around to see him or her somewhere, then there may be love in the game. If you notice that he or she is also casually looking your way, the feeling may be mutual.

2-Watch your physical reactions. Keep an eye on which automatic responses are or your presence evokes. Find out if your heart may be beating faster and whether you are suffering from hot flashes and trembling and / or sweating hands. It is also possible that you suddenly close for fear of not knowing what to say. Such reactions usually indicate lust and passion rather than true love. [11]

3-Find out how much you have for him or her. Try to think about how often you share your possessions with this person (or how much you are willing to do so). Imagine if he or she would like to borrow from you that rare feature album that you just bought at an auction. If you share things with him or her, or at least have no problems with that, then it is possible that there is love. [12]

4-Find out how often you sacrifice something for him or her. This does not necessarily mean that you give up your career plans or that you let the other person benefit from you. It does mean that you give a little to brighten up his or her day. Consider, for example, the last time he or she was ill. If you then canceled your weekly movie night to take care of him or her, you may be in love. However, if in the first instance you did nothing but complain, then at best you were inspired by passion.

5-Check whether you mirror yourself to the other. Love makes you feel comfortable. Under relaxed circumstances there is a good chance that you will imitate the other person in his or her actions and behavior, often without your noticing it yourself. Note that you might catch yourself taking a sip of your coffee at the exact same time that the other person does. It is not a guarantee of love, but in that case the chance that you are in love is greater. [14]

6- Find out what your reactions are when he or she is successful. This is especially important when your loved one succeeds in doing something that you did not succeed. For example, if he or she gets the promotion that you were really aiming for. If you immediately have a tendency to give a party, chances are that you are in love. On the other hand, if you mumble something disappointed about “How nice for you” and avoid him or her for the rest of the day, then there is nothing more than blind love.

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